Wednesday, June 21, 2023

Stardew Valley

 

Stardew Valley

Stardew Valley is the perfect game to escape into, I’d imagine if you only had one game to play over the course of a summer or something, this would be the one to choose. I will admit that the INSANE amount of grinding and time restraints the game comes with was a bit overwhelming for me, so I used a few mods to improve the quality of life. I’ve played The Sims 4 on XBOX using zero cheats to get the achievements, and I’ve played The Sims 4 on PC using cheats, and both experiences were rewarding in their own way, and this is the same kind of thing. It’s up to you on how you want to play.


My own personal lore for my character is that he is a 20-something self made millionaire (thank you mods) that has decided to escape the hustle and bustle of city life in Stardew Valley. 


Once I got to my farm, I decorated my pad with a nice living room, kitchen, dining room, master bedroom, game room, and bar. I also have a basement full of aquariums where I try to collect every type of fish in Stardew Valley. 


My crops change with the season, but my lore is that I mostly specialize in growing hops and cherries, I then sell my cherry wheat beer to the locals. While I don’t need the money, it is a fun hobby that keeps me busy.


My farm is cruelty free farm with many animal friends, such as Meg the Orange Tabby Cat, Taylor Swift the Horse, 4 Piece the Chicken, 20 Piece the Chicken, Death Udder the Cow, Pork Rind the Pig, Doug Duck the Duck, G.O.A.T. the Goat, Trixie the Rabbit, and many many more. I love them all so much bros.


In between growing crops, tending to my farm animals, and making my beer, I found love in  the little town of Stardew, a beautiful young lady by the name of Haley. Me and Haley had two kids together, our son Danny Devito, and daughter Fem Devito. However once I found out there was a mod to marry my true love Robin, I ended up sacrificing my children to the dark witch lord, and filed for divorce with Haley, needless to say she was seething. Robin and I are now happily married, she doesn’t cook as much as Haley did, but let’s just say she’s good with her hands.


So should you get Stardew Valley? If you’re looking for a game to get lost in, then yes. I’d recommend using mods however for a much more relaxing experience.

Sunday, June 11, 2023

Apewar

 

This game is the GoldenEye 007 killer! 


Before Apewar I used to drink Bud Light and listen to Taylor Swift, now I drink Four Loko and fuck Taylor Swift. Seriously, I met Taylor Swift through the Apewar servers, she is now pregnant with our triplets due on March 11, 2024. We made love for 7 hours on top of the American flag laid out on the beach.


The only flaw in this masterpiece is that the controller setting doesn’t seem to work at the moment, so you’ll need to use JoyToKey, here is my setup, adjust accordingly. 


Stick 1 Left: A - Move Left

Stick 1 Right: D - Move Right

Stick 1 Up: W - Move Forward

Stick 1 Down: S - Move Backward


Stick 2 Left: Mouse Left (100) - Look Left

Stick 2 Right: Mouse Right (100) - Look Right

Stick 2 Up: Mouse Up (100) - Look Up

Stick 2 Down: Mouse Down (100) - Look Down


POV Up: 1 - Weapon 1

POV Right: 2 - Weapon 2

POV Down: 3 - Weapon 3

POV Left: 4 - Weapon 4


Button 1: Space - Jump

Button 2: R - Reload

Button 3: F - Enter Vehicle

Button 4: P - Change View

Button 7: Escape

Button 8: Enter

Button 9: Shift - Run

Button 10: C - Crouch 

Button 11: R-Click - Aim

Button 12: L-Click - Fire