Cuckold Simulator: Life As A Beta Male Cuck

 

Cuckold Simulator: Life As A Beta Male

 

 

PROS:

-I read on Twitter that this is a good game, so I know for sure that it's a good game.

-Game does not require a VR headset, so I can keep my face shield and mask on while playing inside, safety is important.

-REPRESENTATION! As a Gen Z Riding Lawn Mower, this game does a perfect job of representing my modern family. Me, my wife Tiffany, my wife's boyfriend Tyquavious, and my son LeBron can all play this game together.

-The story is really good! I'd rank it right up there with Marvel's Captain Marvel and Star Wars: The Last Jedi.

Bio Menace

 

Bio Menace

 

He’s a bad man 3/5

A solid platformer where you play as World Championship Wrestling pro wrestler Johnny B. Badd going around shooting your Badd Blaster at monsters.

 

Injustice: Gods Among Us Ultimate Edition

 

Injustice: Gods Among Us Ultimate Edition

 

I played the XBOX 360 version of Injustice: Gods Among Us Ultimate Edition for the first time last year, and I really enjoyed the story mode, however 5 hours later when that was over I had little interest in playing random matches against the computer or getting bodied online. The story did stick with me enough that I looked forward to playing it a second time, this time on Steam, and it was just as fun for another playthrough. 

GAMEPLAY:

-Injustice has that modern day Mortal Kombat feel to it, which isn’t bad, even if it’s a bit stiffer and slower than I’d like. The stages have a lot of interactive objects to use against your opponent, which honestly gets old after the first time interacting with them, luckily you can turn that feature off, at least in the single player mode.

STORY (contains spoilers):

-Basically Superman turns heel and starts punching holes through chests and shooting lasers through skulls, all while alternate timeline superheroes and villains do battle in the background.

ART STYLE:

-Since this is a video game based off of comic book characters, I feel like how the characters look is somewhat important. Wonder Woman is built like a BRICK SH*THOUSE which is GREAT, but she has a jawline like Sgt. Slaughter, perhaps a Gal Gadot face and foot mod should be looked into. Lex Luthor straight up looks like Bruce Willis which is pretty cool. No big complaints about how the characters look overall.

SHOULD YOU GET THIS GAME?:

-If this game is on sale, if you are into fighting games, and if you are into cape stuff, then I’d say YES. The story is interesting, and the gameplay is solid enough. Plus it’s the Justice League, the Justice league is cool, I mean let’s be honest here…….

X-Men >>>>>> Justice League >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>The Avengers

 

Agony Unrated

Agony Unrated

 

Beautiful walking sim, terrible controls 2/5

I don’t support censorship in video games, even if it’s just a mild tweak in a remake/remaster, so the fact that Agony Unrated is allowed to express itself is awesome. I accidentally installed Agony (Censored) and played it for about 30 minutes before realizing I was playing the nerfed version, and then I installed Agony (Unrated). I’m glad this happened so I could see some of the quality of life gameplay fixes they added in, the addition of a mini map alone was a huge improvement. 

If gameplay is all you care about, then Agony is going to leave you sorely disappointed, this game is basically a walking simulator with a little bit of awkward combat thrown in to spice up the walking. I did like how the Button Puncher controller layout I use in Halo Infinite to throw grenades (LB) is also used to chunk demon babies in this game, demon baby chunking never felt more natural. 

I really did enjoy the beautifully sick and twisted universe that this game takes place in, but every time I started to get really into the game, the terrible controls would pull me right back to reality.

 

Ultimate Body Blows

 

Ultimate Body Blows

 

 

I knew what I was getting myself in to 2/5

Like most games I purchase these days, I wait until there is a sale, so I didn’t mind putting in my 6 digital quarters into this fighter. 

The gameplay is barely functional, you use the thumbstick to move and then press 1 button along with a directional movement to attack. It is a real shame, since the character sprites, special moves, and background all look like they’d be in a legitimate fighting game.

If you are allowed to pick a main after only 30 minutes of gameplay, then I’d go with Kai-Ti. There is no actual story that I’m aware of, but Kai-Ti seemed to be some sort of amazon warrior. I also favored Maria who looked like an early 90’s fitness enthusiast. She always had a hand on her forehead, I assumed it was to keep her hair looking good, but she may have just had a headache from being put in this game over Street Fighter II. Inferno was another character I thought was cool, mostly because he reminded me of Cinder from Killer Instinct. 

I’d really love to see someone take all of these old characters and do a complete overhaul on the gameplay to be more like Street Fighter II, combine that with a simple story mode, and a Ultimate Body Blows Remaster could really be something special. 

Controls:

E = Up Thumbstick 

X = Down Thumbstick

S = Left Thumbstick

D = Right Thumbstick

J = A Button 

Enter = Menu Button

Splitgate

 

Splitgate

 

 

Splitgate is a Halo clone with portal guns, but I find myself having more fun playing this over Halo Infinite. I'm not sure what mild tweak to the gameplay is the reason for this, but it works. The portal guns are a great way to move around the map and get surprise kills on enemies, however you don’t use them all that often, the main focus is still on who’s the better shot.

Pros:

-Buffed version of Halo.

-Portal guns.

-Aesthetically pleasing.

-Rewards for leveling up are better than Halo Infinite.

Cons:

-No vehicles, if they could have added in just one Warthog, or some sort of Warthog with a turret gun and a portal gun, that would be awesome.

Halo Infinite Multiplayer: 8 out of 10 Mountain Dews

Splitgate: 9 out of 10 Moon Mists

Halo Infinite Multiplayer

 

Halo Infinite Multiplayer

 

 

Campaign:

The campaign is not out yet, but the latest trailer gave me such a massive eye roll that I almost fell backwards in my chair. I will probably cash in my 1 month of free Game Pass I have laying around and play it eventually, but I am not paying for that lmao.

Multiplayer:

The multiplayer is the main reason people play Halo and it’s free on both Steam and XBOX, so none of the systems for tender fellas. Yes the leveling up system is a nightmare, and yes you will have to sell your organs to buy the latest 20 dollar Master Chief helmet with cat ears, but 343 did a surprisingly awesome job with making the multiplayer feel like old school Halo. It's worth checking out even if you are terrible at first person shooters, just be like me and drive around the Ghost around pretending you are playing Mario Kart 64.

The multiplayer gets 8 out of 10 Mountain Dews